Seattle summers are epic. Largely in part because we have incredible views of the mountains, water and there's so much to do when the sun is shining. However, we do pay a hefty price with the amount of rainfall we get here in the Pacific Northwest. That's moot now though so break out your wallets and indulge in some amazing summer shopping. I'm proud to say I have.
Besides our completely dysfunctional President, 2017 is pretty good. I'm 35 and in a great place in life. Financially independent and stable, I own a home and new car, have a fantastic and well-paying job and am not completely unfortunate looking (although, everyone is entitled to their opinion so feel free to disagree). My family and friends are awesome, laughter is in my DNA, I cook a mean meal and take care of my mind, face and body with a strict skincare and workout regimen.
However, as much control as I have in my own life, I can't control the fact that I've become piqued that the men I've met in their 30s are not men. Its been six months of dating and consistently amateur hour. Think I'm being a little harsh here? Ask my sister Blaire or my best friends Whitney and Lauren to confirm the below.
I was in the emergency room on October 9th, which also happened to be my 35th birthday. A guy I was seeing decided that it also just happened to be a good time to cut things off via text message. What a sight that must have been for my parents to watch me throbbing in pain while I explained the "this just isn't working for me" text. Truth be told, I really wasn't disappointed that he had ended it, I was way more furious that he had the audacity to do it on my birthday!
So where have all the real men gone? What happened to the good old fashion traits my father taught my brother such as courtesy and respect? Whether it's bailing on a date due to a "hangover" or completely ghosting a lady (all of which I've experienced over the past six months), I must wonder if we women have accepted this childish behavior (I never will as long as I'm sans dementia ) or in the age of "dating apps," men feel neither inclined nor motivated to be a man.
Maybe 'The Atlantic' was right in asking, “What if everyone who was going to find a happy relationship on a dating app already did? Maybe everyone who’s on Hinge/Bumble/Tinder now are like the last people at the party trying to go home with someone.”
Or perhaps these guys are just weaker as people. The mid-30s man who has "Peter Pan syndrome," never leaves adolescence or his playboy ways behind. Perhaps the hook up culture has replaced chivalry and what I am seeing isn't a different expression of masculinity adapting to today's norms - what I'm seeing is NO MASCULINITY at all.
As evident from being a #girlboss, I don't need a man but I'm totally ready for a partnership with a real one. One like my Dad Stan the Man, Uncles Charlie and Ave, Brother Vincent and Papa Raymond, all of whom open doors, make sure to arrive at a function on-time, pick up the phone to confirm plans and whose actions and words are in tandem.
Many of my friends think it's Seattle men vs. men in general. Our city has a reputation of passive aggressiveness (Google the 'Seattle Freeze') which at times collides with my New York, strong blunt Jewish 'tude. However, as Amazon imports thousands of new prospects, I'm less inclined to use that as an excuse.
What keeps me going is laughter as I humor myself over the trials and tribulations of dating. When I do meet a man who values my time and knows how to treat a lady, I'll be updating this post with a disclaimer stating, "Jessica is in a fully functional committed relationship with a real man. Ladies, proceed at your own risk."
A dozen progressive Jewish-American organizations sent a letter to President-elect Donald Trump on Friday denouncing the anti-Semitism that surrounded his campaign, expressing grave concern for the plight of other minorities, and urging the new administration to uphold the longstanding commitment of the United States to a two-state solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
In their strongly worded letter, the organizations also call on Trump to rescind the appointment of ex-Breitbart CEO Steven Bannon as his chief strategist and senior counselor in the White House.
The letter was sent by Ameinu, Americans for Peace Now, J Street, the Jewish Labor Committee, Hashomer Hatzair, Habonim Dror North America, the National Council of Jewish Women, the New Israel Fund, Partners for Progressive Israel, the Workmen’s Circle, Truah: The Rabbinic Call for Human Rights, and Uri L’Tzedek: The Orthodox Social-Justice Movement. Together, according to the letter, these organizations represent “hundreds of thousands of Jewish Americans deeply committed to the values that underpin our people’s faith, our country’s democracy, and our relationship with the people and state of Israel.”
The signatories do not include such mainstream Jewish organizations as AIPAC, the American Jewish Committee and the Anti-Defamation League. In recent days, the Jewish American community has been split over whether to speak out against Trump, and in particular, his controversial appointment of Bannon, a well-known radical right-winger.
“Based on our community’s experience, we begin by strongly condemning the many instances of anti-Semitism – both subtle and overt – that appeared around your presidential campaign,” the letter says. “We have been deeply concerned by words and actions during the campaign that attacked and offended Americans on the basis of their gender, race, religion, ethnicity, disability or sexual orientation. Expressions of xenophobia, Islamophobia, racism, misogyny and other forms of prejudice, in and around your campaign, threatened to undermine our nation’s core values and to erode our people’s shared sense of what it means to be an American.”
The letter urges the president-elect to “make it absolutely clear that you emphatically reject anti-Semitism in all forms, and that you are committed to ensuring the religious freedom that is at the heart of America’s identity.”
In reference to the Bannon appointment, the letter calls on Trump to staff his administration “with individuals who exhibit excellence and empathy, and a commitment to protecting the security, honor and dignity of all American regardless of religion, race, gender, ethnicity, disability, or sexual orientation.”
In this context, it notes: “Your recent decision to appoint Stephen Bannon to the post of Senior Counselor and Strategist in the White House runs counter to these principles and should be rescinded for the sake of the American people and the honor of the government of the United States.”
As an immigrant community, the letter notes, Jewish-Americans identify strongly with the plight of other newcomers and are committed to protecting them. “We believe that immigration and successful integration of newcomers into the fabric of American society has been key to our country’s strength and prosperity,” it says. “Because many of our families arrived in this country as refugees fleeing persecution—and because so many died when the borders closed, we are committed to defending our country’s identity as a land of refuge.”
With regards to Middle East policy, the letter expresses deep concern about the possibility of a major shift in U.S. policy on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict under the new administration. “We cannot support an abandonment of America’s fundamental policies on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict – which have been recognized as vital to American national interest and supported by presidents of both parties for 50 years,” it says. “We therefore have been alarmed by changes in the Republican platform, as well as statements by your key advisors on Israel, which eliminate the goals of the two-state solution and creation of a Palestinian state living at peace with Israel.”
The two-state solution, the letter notes, is supported by “an overwhelming majority of Jewish Americans.”
Although it stops short of condemning the occupation, the letter says: “We expect the State of Israel to embody democratic principles, as enshrined by its Declaration of Independence and an active role for the United States in efforts to defend those principles.”
In their letter, the organizations reassure the president-elect that he will find “willing partners” in the Jewish community if he “upholds and defends the principles of fairness, justice and freedom on which this country was built.”
But if he does not, they warn, “We will not stand by idly.”
This article was originally posted on mindbodygreen.
As I approach my 35th birthday, this article spoke to me. Enjoy and live, love, learn.
Today is my birthday. It seems like a good time to reflect. I've had some amazing life experiences, but learning from these experiences has been perhaps the most rewarding element of my life.
I used to think that being happy was everything. After all, I had overcome clinical depression, extreme anxiety, eating disorders, and drug addictions. Crawling through the darkness, I made happiness my full-time mission. But on the climb toward my 35th birthday, I’ve started to see beyond the happy.
I’ve learned the power of feeling my emotions instead of resisting, running from, or numbing myself to them.
I used to think goals were super important. They make effort seem rewarding. But sometimes when they come to fruition, we realize our achievements were more about the journey than the destination. Now, my "goal" is to embrace the journey and celebrate whatever experiences I have along the way.
I see the shift in my goals as a result of finally embracing my authentic self. Today, I can be happy even when I am sad. I no longer run from my sadness or moments of despair. I’ve learned the power of feeling my emotions instead of resisting, running from, or numbing myself to them.
In fact, self-awareness is the best gift I could ask for. But it came from me. It results from a constant dedication to self-improvement, whatever that means to me in a given moment. It comes from wanting to be better than I was before — not from a place of ego or fear but from compassion and self-love. When you truly love yourself, it's easier to see imbalances in your life.
When you can become your own friend, life is magnificent. And when you can allow yourself to be where you are, instead of where you think you should be, freedom prevails.
I’ve learned how to let go of expectations and allow myself to be more in the journey. The secret is to embrace each moment as if I had chosen it. Whatever the moment contains, there is a great gift awaiting discovery. The ups, the downs — it's all life. We can feel it all, and feeling is living.
35 things I've learned over my 35 years:
1. The more you love yourself, the easier it is to see imbalances in your life.
2. The key to getting anything you want is patience, timing, and trust.
3. The things we cling to out of fear prevent us from growing.
4. When you can allow yourself to be where you are instead of where you think you should be — or even where you want to be — freedom prevails.
5. What you are experiencing is part of a bigger life plan.
6. When you stop focusing on the problem, the problem tends to go away.
7. Feeling like you don’t have a choice is a choice.
8. The results we strive for aren't as valuable as the experiences along the way.
9. We may not always get what we want, but it will always be what we need.
10. One small step at a time consistently creates monumental results.
11. What is meant to be will always find a way.
12. What we resist in life will always persist.
13. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t mean either of you are wrong. Contrast brings clarity and compassion.
14. You can’t compare yourself to others and be happy at the same time.
15. Confidence comes through action. The more action steps we take, the more confident we will be.
16. Things don’t happen to you, they happen for you.
17. All rejection is protection. It’s always this or something better.
18. There is timing to everything. If you are pushing and working hard and it isn’t flowing, it isn’t the right time.
19. Nothing is ever wasted. Everything you’ve done has put you closer to where you want to be (whether you know it or not).
20. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to anything. And there is no magic bullet.
21. Your heart knows the way. Trust it.
22. Your passion will lead you to your purpose.
23. Your dreams are the invisible architecture of your life. They matter.
24. Most of the time, the thing you're looking for comes to you when you stop looking.
25. It’s not selfish to follow your heart — it’s an act of respect and appreciation.
26. Gratitude brings abundance.
27. You always get what you focus on.
28. Most of the time we create our own suffering through expectations.
29. Insight is worthless unless you take action.
30. You always have enough time, money, and energy for what is truly most important to you.
31. Nature heals.
32. Joy is the best barometer for success. The more joy you feel, the more successful you are.
33. It’s OK to not know the answers. We learn the way on the way.
34. How you do anything is how you do everything. All parts of your life are connected.
35. Deep down, you already know the truth.
My mentor and dear friend Aimee who I've spoken about before has always been a beacon of positivity and strength. Through ups and downs (we chat daily), she has been a sounding board of intellect, compassion and wisdom. I would say from time to time "How are you so wise?" and "Wow, you really made me feel a lot better, thank you." She would answer that along with experiences that I had not yet been accustom to, she had someone helping her along her own path.
"A therapist?" I asked.
"No, a life coach," she said.
"Oh, interesting.....," I said.
As time went on and it was clear I wasn't easing up on myself for those things either out of my control or within my control, I decided that with Aimee's blessing I wanted to give this life coach a try.
IT REMAINS THE BEST DECISION OF 2016.
I set up my first call with Danielle Dailey, who has an array of clients from all over the world. Danielle Dailey is a Certified Life Coach from Quantum Success Coaching Academy (QSCA), which bases its curriculum on the Law of Attraction and was certified in 2011 as a Licensed Heal Your Life® teacher based on the philosophy of renowned motivational author, Louise Hay. Through her company, Dailey Life Coaching, Danielle leads workshops and works with clients one-on-one to help them manifest their best life through positive visual imagery and self-acceptance.
I told Danielle that I needed to work on my self-love. For too long, I've allowed external circumstances influence my outlook or dictate my mood. Sure, everyone has bad days now and then but I was beating myself up relentlessly with feelings of hurt, pain and guilt. Before long, I was allowing those feelings to consume me daily, only causing more hurt. Basically, I was my own worst enemy.
"Are you really ready to switch the way you have been treating yourself your entire life?" said Danielle.
"Absolutely. I can't live like this anymore," I said.
And then the work began. And it has helped me manifest what I want out of my life: unconditional love, positivity and joy. Danielle hears my affirmations daily and those I AM, I TRUST, I DESERVE statements have certainly helped me transcend those words into a life free of judgement, fear and negativity.
It's a work in progress. You don't automatically retrain your brain and behaviors overnight. But with Danielle's guidance, I'm certainly making strides.
She sent me this a few days ago and I wanted to share it because it is so powerful in how we approach self-love.
People can encourage you to feel loveable, but they can’t make you feel loveable. Making sure you feel loveable is your job, not someone else’s. The more you get to know yourself, the more you know what makes you happy. And the more you do what you love, the more your life turns out just the way you want it too. There is so much more to life than trying to be someone else’s idea of who you are. Life is all about having fun, but first we must let go of self-judgement and false beliefs of what we should be.
This post is dedicated to Aimee and Danielle, two beacons of light in my life. Thank you.
I was chatting with my colleagues, Barry and Mady, today about how "cool" we were in our 20s. We had a good chuckle and I wanted to document it because it is pretty damn funny if I say so myself.
20s: Only accept VIP invites to a club and hang out with the Black Eyed Peas, RiRi and Chris Brown.
30s: Only accept wine as my drink of choice and hang out solo or with a friend - two at most.
20s: Spend the weekend at the pool with girlfriends, music blaring, flirting with boys and drinks.
30s: Spend the weekend staining my fence, weeding, or shopping at Costco and Lowe's.
20s: Meet cute boys out at bars or clubs and have one month flings, only to move on to the next.
30s: Swipe right for future boyfriend and if you are lucky, maybe future 6-month boyfriend.
20s: Make it a point when going out to make men pay for your drinks or get them for free from "industry friends."
30s: Live comfortably and pay for your own drinks (and maybe his) because you're a #girlboss.
20s: Accompany celebrities to the Vanity Fair party after the Oscars.
30s: Accompany my CEO to a tech interview after pitching media all day.
20s: Take vacations every weekend to Hilton Head, Miami, Key West or Chicago.
30s: Take vacations when your family plans and pays for them.
20s: Go out for drinks: Tuesdays, Thursday, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays.
30s: Get out of the house Friday and maybe Saturday if you're lucky.
20s: Have Michael Yo, Giuliana Rancic and the stylists of Gossip Girl on speed dial.
30s: Have handyman, plumber and Dad on speed dial.
20s: Own a few nice pieces of furniture and spend most money on clothing and going out.
30s: Own a few nice pieces of clothing and spend most money on home furnishings and improvement.
20s: Tell your therapist, "I'm SO boy crazy, I have no idea what's wrong with me!"
30s: Tell your therapist, "I realize I really do want a boyfriend when I have stuff to do around the house like pressure washing."
20s: Have TV watching parties with girlfriends when Sex & the City, Laguna Beach and Temptation Island air.
30s: Watch Law & Order: SVU, Game of Thrones and Silicon Valley episodes alone.
20s: Get carded.
30s: Get carded. (Had to put this one in here!)
I'm the first one to tell you that if you are passionate enough about learning a new skill or field, the only way you're going to get the experience you need is to jump in head first.
Following my departure from TV news and the field of broadcast journalism, I did so first with public relations. I didn't have a PR degree nor did I have any previous experience of working in-house at a fashion, e-commerce or tech company. But that didn't stop me (and many former journalists!) to learn the ropes.
6 years later and I'm doing the exact same thing with business development. Here are my tips to increase your chance of leveraging yourself into a new department alongside an already very successful operating unit.
1. Recognize it. In 2014, I realized that I had a passion for BD. At that time, it was that self-awareness that got me thinking about a potential new skill set. Shout out to Blake Barrett for being the individual who had me intrigued.
2. Timing is everything. You are best set up for success if you are able to contribute to what the company needs from you. Being hired for a particular role should encourage you to knock it out of the park in that capacity. You can't explore other opportunities if you don't have meteoric success in the role for which you were hired.
3. Get the right support. There will be those who tell you "you can't" and others who will tell you, "you can." Listen to the ones who say "you can" and find the support you need to be successful in that particular skill or field. If you don't have the confidence or support to do the role, it will be difficult to break in.
4. Get in the game. Almost immediately after I received support from my COO and the BD team, I jumped right in. I started sitting in on calls with business development directors, reading contracts and learning product work-flows. (I can say that the time spent negotiating agreements has been by far the most interesting!)
5. Do it. After I felt well-versed enough in the product roadmap, value proposition and implementation, I started actively looking for new opportunities and partners on my own.
Well, it has been a mere four months and I'm proud to say I've closed my first retail partnership and led an internal business development program (you'll hear about on August 9th!) that has been one of my most ambitious activities to date.
So as my favorite childhood poet, Shel Silverstein said:
“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
Its been a year since my Papoo passed away. It doesn't feel like a year, more like a month. I still think of him every day and can feel his hand holding mine. Each time I drive around the Eastside, out of habit I grab for my phone to call Papoo.
I know he would be incredibly proud of me this past year and wish he could have seen the exciting things happening in our family. For me personally, it was buying my first home and becoming a director at Porch while taking on business development responsibilities.
With a big grin on his face he would have said "My darling girl, who loves you?"
Papoo, I miss you.